You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is Oprah even human
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
