I seem to have left my pride at pride
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
