Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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