i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
