3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
