I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
