Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
