Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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