i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm both gender and math confused
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
