they need to just BURY HIM!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize