I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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