thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
