Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
