One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
