even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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