just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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