1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
