Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
