I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize