Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
