shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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