He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize