Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
