I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
