Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
