Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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