literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
