Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
