my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
