I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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