Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
