Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize