She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
