Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
