And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
