areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
