My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
