i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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