Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
