I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
