i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
