I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
