I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
