did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
