Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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