evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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