can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
