I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That accounts for only three of the penises
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
