there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
