I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Randomize
