O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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