I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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