I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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