I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
