dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
