nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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