I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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