No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
