that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
