I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize