Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
