Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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