you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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