Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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