yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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