And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
