..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
