You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
