Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
