i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
