Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
