i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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