just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
