you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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