you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
