i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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