She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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