I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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