All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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