Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
