Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize