True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
