Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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