I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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