Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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