Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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