he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
