I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
