How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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