she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
