why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize