After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
