Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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