Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
