so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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