grandma shit on top of the toilet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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