so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize