Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
