I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
