So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
