everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
