I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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